My Biggest Weakness...

has always been finding balance. I'm sure I've mentioned that more than a few times in this blog, but it is something I struggle with constantly. God is surely showing me much grace in this area, and I am slowly learning what it is that He wants of me. Though I find it hard to set aside time to cook and clean and go to the store instead of playing and giving my undivided attention to my children, I know that I must. It is just as important for them to see me being a wife to their daddy as it is for them to see me as someone who loves and cares for them. Of course, everything I do is done not for the sake of wanting acknowledgment but simply because of what has been shown to me and how I long to serve those around me. With this new look on things, it is becoming clearer and easier to do what the Holy Spirit has been prompting me to do for quite some time. Now if only I could actually cook more than a handful of things...it is not the prime time to learn a new trade when watching after two very young children! Though my menu might be limited for a while I am glad that my husband appreciates this attempt to offer him a clean house(minus the toys that are inevitably strewn about in the few minutes before he walks through the door) and a home-cooked meal when he walks in the door. Oh, how I have wanted this home to be a refuge for him, a safe place away from the rest of the world! May it become just that, through God's truly amazing grace.

Moving in Faith

Over the past few months I have made it my utmost priority to be in study of God's Word. Through this, I am being moved in faith by knowledge of Christ. This overwhelms me as I know how inadequate mere word are, especially my own. I am brought to my knees knowing that I must completely submit to the calling of Christ to give up the position of rest we have been given and follow after Him in becoming a servant to others. Grace must be the driving factor in every thing I do. I cannot do it for any selfish reason but only because of the grace that has been shown to me and how I do not deserve any of it. Oh, to be able to call on the name of the Lord, what a privlege it is!

Today I received word that my uncle, my mom's brother, was found dead in his apartment. They think he had been dead since Friday. It appears that many years of smoking, emphysema, and being overweight are what took his life. What makes this so difficult is knowing how close my mom was to her brother and not being able to be there for her, and the fact that his two daughters and his two grandchildren will have no more time to know him. Last I knew, he was not a Christian, which makes this perhaps the most difficult death I have ever dealt with. In any case, it has made me put things back into perspective as I tend to get caught up in the little things at times. This came as a shock to our entire family and it makes me all the more aware that no one is promised tomorrow. Hold your children close, and truly do not worry about tomorrow but live as though today is your very last.

Some Gave All Tribute

On May 13, 2005 our daughter entered this world. On that same day a 28 year old was giving his life for this country. His name was Travis W. Anderson. He had a difficult time in school and found himself in trouble on more than one occassion. Shortly before he left for Iraq he told his sister that he was tired of being a "screw-up" and wanted to do the right thing. He was killed when a car filled with explosives slipped past a checkpoint in Beiji, Iraq. Though I know nothing of his spiritual well being I pray that he became a Christian before dying. Whether he did or not, though, I thank him for giving his life for this country and for giving our daughter a better life because of the sacrifice that was made.

Is Christ your Savior...or your Helper?

In church yesterday something hit me that hadn't before. I am guilty of frequently asking God to "help" me with things. I ask Him to "help" me do the right thing, to "help" me grow in my faith, etc. Without meaning to, I know realize, that I was implying that I have some part in doing these things. In reality, I have no part in them. Christ is not my helper, He is my Savior. I know I must be completely consumed by Him to do anything good or anything with a pure heart. If any of me is involved, even minimally, it is undoubtedly tainted by sin. Oh, how hard it is to completely change my view and not give into my first instinct of asking Him to "help" me. I must completely and totally submit to the power of the Holy Spirit in order to have the holiness and pureness that He desires in me. I know many people do this, and probably unknowingly, but once your eyes are opened you are accountable to what you have attained. Let there be no looking back, true repentance, and no pleading of ignorance.

This is my way, and that is your way...

Something my son said this morning shocked me. He learned how to cut using scissors yesterday and has been obsessed with cutting up paper ever since. He was holding the scissors with his thumb and one finger, making it impossible to close the scissors without pushing them closed with his opposite hand. I tried to show him to use his thumb and two fingers and then he would be able to close them without risking the possibility of him cutting his hand. He then told me, "No mommy, this is my way and that is your way. It's okay for me to have my own way and you to have your own way." Now, this may seem like no big deal, but to me it spoke volumes as to what he is learning even in the few television shows I allow him to watch (that is the only way I am able to take a shower). From such an early age they are taught that there are many different ways to do things and that is okay. There are alternatives to many things, but there are far more where there is a right way and a wrong way and for him, at three, to be defying that fact is scary to me. He was adamant that his way was not wrong and that he could continue to do it that way, he did not care that I have much more experience in this area than he does and that I was telling him the correct way so that he would not harm himself. Afterall, he was doing it "his own way" and that was "okay". After much struggle with the child, he gave in and admitted that the right way was much better and has been doing it that way ever since. It takes such strength as a parent to be consistent and stick with it on little things like this, which may seem like they have no bearing on anything, but be encouraged that what you do in the little things has a huge impact on who your child will become and whom he/she will follow (God or the world).