Running and Weariness

Today has brought me to meditation upon these two words. Often times in the new testament Paul tells us that we are running a race.
In 1 Corinthians 9
24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

In Galatians 2
2I went in response to a revelation and set before them the gospel that I preach among the Gentiles. But I did this privately to those who seemed to be leaders, for fear that I was running or had run my race in vain.

In Galatians 5
7You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? 8That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.

In Hebrews 12
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In Philippians 2
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out[c] the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. 17But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

In 2 John 1
9Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.
This one seems to suggest that we can be in danger of running ahead of Him and in so doing we leave Him and His teaching.

Now, onto the weariness front -
Isaiah 40
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 119
28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.

Matthew 11
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Galatians 6
7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature[a]will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Hebrews 12
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Revelation 2
1"To the angel[a] of the church in Ephesus write:
These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

To run in a race is hard work. It requires training. It requires effort. It requires concentration. It requires focus. This race we are running is not a 100 meter dash. It is a race that goes on every single day of our lives. Surely, running day after day all day long would make even the most disciplined of runners grow weary and burnt out on the whole running thing. It seems that many of us, as Christians, are aware that we are running a race - but we don't like to be aware of the danger of growing weary. When we grow weary we usually become idle and stagnant. We get burnt out. We almost always grow "weary of doing good". I am starting to see that the biggest problem we have is that we are self reliant. We think that we can run this race in our own strength. Sure, we come to God when we think it is something bigger than we can handle but in the small stuff - no problem, we got that covered. Sometimes even in the not so small stuff we decide that our assessment of the situation follows logic and reason and that little voice that the Spirit is speaking to us that seems so impossible gets pushed aside. Is it any wonder why we do not experience what Isaiah 40 says He will provide for us? Oh, we all love the imagery and love to quote that He will lift us up on wings like eagles...but seriously, do we trust Him to do it? Trust is a big thing. When we hear the voice of our Lord, firstly we should be aware that it is Him because if we know Him then we know His voice. Secondly, we must follow Him even if it defies what we think is 'sensible'. If it is truly His voice and His will - He will make a way! The only way we can avoid becoming weary, is to rely fully on Him. When we have nothing left, He will provide all we need when we are in His will! Every time we are told to combat weariness with considering Christ, with waiting upon the Lord, with going to Him. We are not told to combat weariness with taking a little rest or a break from what we have been called to. To do so is to follow someone who is not the one who called us.

A Humble Heart

I am in absolute awe at what God has accomplished in the last year. We went through six surgeries in twelve months, the most recent occurring in November. One over-riding theme throughout the entire year has been the need for humility. A humble heart, a willing heart, and a heart of servitude. A heart that allows itself to be led by the Holy Spirit in a way that does not necessarily always go along with "reason". In recent weeks I have been struck with one thing inparticular about being humble. For so many Christians, we state the gospel message or speak of the Cross to our children, or sing worship songs in church about the sacrifice of Christ and still it merely passes over our lips and does not penetrate our hearts. Every single time we think about the mercy that was extended to us, it should have an instant humbling effect on us. That is the one thing in which we cannot boast. That is where humility starts and perhaps the only thing which can bring us into a total attitude of humility, willingness, and servitude with no hint of pride. The Cross is emphasized, but in all honesty it tends to lose its effect on most Christians as time passes. It is something that we are aware of, something that we know, and therefore we do not let it do its humbling work within us as it did when we first heard the wonderful news of the gospel! I tend to think that this is the very reason why when we are first saved we want to tell everyone, but as time passes so does the urgency. Should the impact of the Cross wane like this? It is a pity that it has. As I come before Him, I must come to Him empty of anything I might think that I can bring and in order to do that I must be aware of how unworthy I am and what an amazing sacrifice was made on my behalf. Surely, he has taken my head which is so downcast and lifted it up as only He can do! May we all give the Cross the adequate reverance and thought to allow it to penetrate the deepest parts of us and truly become a humble servant of Christ!

God's Grace

Over the past seven months I have found myself in the deepest valley of desperation as well as the highest mountaintop of strength. My husband has had three surgeries since February and is preparing to have number four in a few weeks. This has been difficult in many ways but I am thankful for the way that it has brought me to my knees. It has made me fully dependant upon Him rather than man. It has humbled me and in essence lifted me up. It is ironic to me how those two things are so intertwined in God's plan!
Luke 1:52
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.

James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Little did I know when I prayed that God would lift us up that it would require so much humility and basically tearing me down to the very core. But He did it in such a graceful, gentle way that it did not destroy me but rather filled me with hope and joy. It also filled me with true repentance, one that hears the word and obeys:

James 1:22-25
22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

How thankful I am for the change He is bringing about in me! I know that He will indeed complete the work that He has started within me.

Spiritual Hydration

It was incredible how I felt my soul calling out to God from the depths of my being even after so many months of being in a spiritual desert! There was one thing that changed everything for me.

Finding my true worth in Jesus Christ.

I was not brought up in a Christian home. I was never taught that my worth wasn't based on other people's feelings of me or things that were in this world. After I got saved, I knew that God loved me, He loved me enough to die for me. That was life changing in itself. However, my understanding ended there. I knew that He created me, I knew that He died for me, but still I did not put my worth in Him nor did it occur to me that is where it should lie. In my marriage I expected many things from my husband which were not fair to him. I expected him to fill that lack or worth that I felt. I tried to fill it with many things, all of which failed to satisfy what was an obvious need within me. In His grace, I was opened to the fact that my worth truly lies in Him. He didn't just create me out of obligation. He didn't just die for me because I had sinned. He desired me, even when I had stopped desiring Him. He wanted me to be with Him. He loves me more perfectly than anything or anyone else ever could. I had cut myself off the vine while in that spiritual desert and He graciously picked me back up and placed me back on the vine so that my little branch had worth and life again!

Upon understanding the worth that I have in God, I stopped doing things to get words of affirmation or approval from man. I started making it a priority to be in the Word, to be in prayer, to listen for His voice. It became something I longed for - just to simply be with my Creator and my Savior!

More to come....

Spiritually Dry

It is a bit hard for me to admit this, but for many many months I found myself in the midst of a spiritual drought. I was not praying more than little five minute prayers. I was in the Word sporadically and it was not something that was life changing to me. I was getting depressed and frustrated with everyone and everything. I often would wonder why, when I needed it most, did the Scripture I knew not come into my head/heart and help me. I often would wonder why, when I try so hard, was I not seemingly bearing the fruit of the Spirit. I found myself tearing down with my tongue rather than building up and it bothered me immensely. After months of this dry spell and not putting two and two together, I was invited to a study on the book "The Power of a Positive Mom" by a woman I had only met on a few occassions. I entered into it rather skeptically and more or less just wanted some adult conversation. A few chapters in, I started to realize how dry I really was. I started to drink in the living water that is offered to us, and I couldn't stop. I found myself needing it more and more. I guess that is what happens when you are that dehydrated! Many things had taken place in our lives since the beginning of the year that should have sent me running to God, but instead, I tried so hard to do it on my own - failing miserably. There will be many more posts to come about what has happened and is currently happening on this journey and how God has changed me. He could have destroyed me in the state I was in, but rather He showed me gracefully and gently and led me in the Way. How thankful I am for His holiness and for His compassion!

Some Good Reading

I have been immersed in some really good books lately. They have been biblically sound and have been able to help revive my soul after what was a very long, very dry spell. They were "The Power of a Positive Mom", "The Power of a Positive Wife", and "The Power of a Positive Woman" by Karol Ladd. I also just recently finished reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. I intend to share much of what I have learned here and the incredible ways that God has been changing me, strengthening me, and working within me. In His holiness He could very well have destroyed me and showed me all of my shortcomings all at once. He could devastated me and I would have fully deserved it. Instead He very gracefully and gently showed me when He knew my heart would be ready to receive it. I didn't even know how thirsty I was until I began to drink and I haven't wanted to stop drinking since. I recommend these books to any Mom, Wife, or Woman who desires to change and go deeper in her relationship with God.

Taking a new direction

I know it has been a long time since I posted. I intend to take this blog in a new direction as God has changed me over the past several months. I want to express what is taking place in my life as a wife, a mom, and a woman. I pray that God may use my stumbling words to point anyone who comes here not to me, but to the Cross. I pray you are blessed, encouraged, and inspired by what you read here.

Verse for the Week

We have started a new practice around here. We have a verse for the week that will help keep me focused and keep me in an attitude and heart of prayer. I have been falling short in this area lately, and am hopeful that this will make a huge difference.

Here is the verse for this week:
Psalm 84:10-11
Better is it to spend one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield
He bestows favor and honor
No good thing does he with hold
from those whose walk is blameless.

I have been meditating on this verse for a day now. It is easy just to say, yes, I agree with that. But when I started really pondering it - I thought about what this is really saying.

If it meant I would only have ONE day in eternity I would choose to spend it in your presence oh Lord because ONE day with you is far better than having a thousand or a million somewhere else. I would rather have the lowest job possible, that of a doorkeeper, who just lets people come into the house of God and never actually live there than to have the highest dwelling in the place of the wicked. I will meditate more on the second half of this as the week goes on, but for right now I have been impacted by the first part greatly. It reminds me that I need to really desire to be with Him, to desire to please Him, desire everything about Him and His Kingdom and let go of everything else that might keep me from it. I need to want Him so much that I can cast off every wicked thing.

Unexpected Encouragement

Lately, I have gotten a few comments on this old post of mine. I have posted many things on this blog with no responses and now to get 2 comments in the past month on a post that I did over two years ago has encouraged me to continue on with this blog. Things have not been optimal lately, but I pray that if I continue on, even sporadically that somewhere down the line a soul will be touched or helped by something written here.