God's Grace

Over the past seven months I have found myself in the deepest valley of desperation as well as the highest mountaintop of strength. My husband has had three surgeries since February and is preparing to have number four in a few weeks. This has been difficult in many ways but I am thankful for the way that it has brought me to my knees. It has made me fully dependant upon Him rather than man. It has humbled me and in essence lifted me up. It is ironic to me how those two things are so intertwined in God's plan!
Luke 1:52
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.

James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Little did I know when I prayed that God would lift us up that it would require so much humility and basically tearing me down to the very core. But He did it in such a graceful, gentle way that it did not destroy me but rather filled me with hope and joy. It also filled me with true repentance, one that hears the word and obeys:

James 1:22-25
22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

How thankful I am for the change He is bringing about in me! I know that He will indeed complete the work that He has started within me.

Spiritual Hydration

It was incredible how I felt my soul calling out to God from the depths of my being even after so many months of being in a spiritual desert! There was one thing that changed everything for me.

Finding my true worth in Jesus Christ.

I was not brought up in a Christian home. I was never taught that my worth wasn't based on other people's feelings of me or things that were in this world. After I got saved, I knew that God loved me, He loved me enough to die for me. That was life changing in itself. However, my understanding ended there. I knew that He created me, I knew that He died for me, but still I did not put my worth in Him nor did it occur to me that is where it should lie. In my marriage I expected many things from my husband which were not fair to him. I expected him to fill that lack or worth that I felt. I tried to fill it with many things, all of which failed to satisfy what was an obvious need within me. In His grace, I was opened to the fact that my worth truly lies in Him. He didn't just create me out of obligation. He didn't just die for me because I had sinned. He desired me, even when I had stopped desiring Him. He wanted me to be with Him. He loves me more perfectly than anything or anyone else ever could. I had cut myself off the vine while in that spiritual desert and He graciously picked me back up and placed me back on the vine so that my little branch had worth and life again!

Upon understanding the worth that I have in God, I stopped doing things to get words of affirmation or approval from man. I started making it a priority to be in the Word, to be in prayer, to listen for His voice. It became something I longed for - just to simply be with my Creator and my Savior!

More to come....

Spiritually Dry

It is a bit hard for me to admit this, but for many many months I found myself in the midst of a spiritual drought. I was not praying more than little five minute prayers. I was in the Word sporadically and it was not something that was life changing to me. I was getting depressed and frustrated with everyone and everything. I often would wonder why, when I needed it most, did the Scripture I knew not come into my head/heart and help me. I often would wonder why, when I try so hard, was I not seemingly bearing the fruit of the Spirit. I found myself tearing down with my tongue rather than building up and it bothered me immensely. After months of this dry spell and not putting two and two together, I was invited to a study on the book "The Power of a Positive Mom" by a woman I had only met on a few occassions. I entered into it rather skeptically and more or less just wanted some adult conversation. A few chapters in, I started to realize how dry I really was. I started to drink in the living water that is offered to us, and I couldn't stop. I found myself needing it more and more. I guess that is what happens when you are that dehydrated! Many things had taken place in our lives since the beginning of the year that should have sent me running to God, but instead, I tried so hard to do it on my own - failing miserably. There will be many more posts to come about what has happened and is currently happening on this journey and how God has changed me. He could have destroyed me in the state I was in, but rather He showed me gracefully and gently and led me in the Way. How thankful I am for His holiness and for His compassion!

Some Good Reading

I have been immersed in some really good books lately. They have been biblically sound and have been able to help revive my soul after what was a very long, very dry spell. They were "The Power of a Positive Mom", "The Power of a Positive Wife", and "The Power of a Positive Woman" by Karol Ladd. I also just recently finished reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. I intend to share much of what I have learned here and the incredible ways that God has been changing me, strengthening me, and working within me. In His holiness He could very well have destroyed me and showed me all of my shortcomings all at once. He could devastated me and I would have fully deserved it. Instead He very gracefully and gently showed me when He knew my heart would be ready to receive it. I didn't even know how thirsty I was until I began to drink and I haven't wanted to stop drinking since. I recommend these books to any Mom, Wife, or Woman who desires to change and go deeper in her relationship with God.

Taking a new direction

I know it has been a long time since I posted. I intend to take this blog in a new direction as God has changed me over the past several months. I want to express what is taking place in my life as a wife, a mom, and a woman. I pray that God may use my stumbling words to point anyone who comes here not to me, but to the Cross. I pray you are blessed, encouraged, and inspired by what you read here.