Where did this monster come from?

Let me dust off the cobwebs of this blog for a second. I am typing one handed so this won't be nearly as long as I'd like it to be. On my lap is our beautiful six month old daughter and in the other room is our amazing almost three year old son. I have been in a daze of sorts for the past few months; however I was quite unaware of it until recently. I knew my passion had dropped off a bit and I knew something in my heart wasn't exactly right but I kept on going. I prayed and I read and now God is revealing unto me something that my former self would have much rather continued to ignore. I know this will bring growth and it will move me closer to Him but it is also very painful. My flesh responds by asking how will I ever be able to change so many things that have been me for so long. My spirit eagerly awaits the changes that will eventually take place. For years I have prayed daily that God would give me all I needed to become the wife, mother, and servant He has called me to be. Over those years God has revealed things like these vto me and it always changes me forever but I always wonder - where did this monster come from? - where was this hiding all this time? I thank God He did not show me these things all at once or I would have been extremely discouraged and overwhelmed and I doubt any change would have taken place. He is constantly answering my prayer that I might be who He has called me to be but there are so many things that are wrong with me I know I will never achieve what I desire until He calls me home. I must strive to change the things He reveals to me so that by some miracle of His power He might somehow be glorified in this life I live each day. I am so thankful for His grace and His mercy. Also His strength that He provides because I do not have any to do this in my own self!