Training up a Child
We have experienced a great breakthrough with our five year old son recently. We had been having tantrums, selfishness, and other ugliness rearing its head within him. I was beginning to feel very discouraged and as though nothing I had tried to or intended to teach him over the last 5 years had stuck. Needless to say, I was upset.
I went back to a site I had utilized a long time ago www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com . Now, I do not agree with everything she advocates but there are two things on that site that I find wonderful. The first one is the Proverbs Parenting section and the second is the section on Tomato Staking. The object is that if a tomato plant is left to itself it will be wild and unruly and it must be staked and well taken care of. The same can be true of the child. If he is left to his own he will become wild and unruly and in this case is staked to the mother. She explains it much better than I could. There are also different types of tomato staking.
I did this with my son and honestly it took two days of intense tomato staking and explaining to him everything that was going on, and teaching him responsibility and self control through various things. I had expected it to take much longer. However, our son has been incredible since we did this last week. He is exhibiting self control, he is caring for his sister, thinking of others first, showing manners, coming when he is called. All the things I thought he had "lost" have come back. Of course, it is taking some changes on my part as well (being more vigilant when something is going on, encouraging him to continue acting as he is now, telling him the good qualities that he is now showing, not letting things go when I know the heart is behind them even if it will take time and energy that I do not think I have).
My heart is encouraged again and I'd recommend any mom at least trying this method when in my situation. All children will go through stages where it becomes hard or seemingly unnecessary to make good choices and this is an excellent way to get them back on track and develop a good bond with them as well. Afterall, you are spending every minute with them (I was having to do the intense tomato staking with not having him more than three feet from me at any given time) and the entire goal is to train them to make the good choices on their own, whether it be a refresher course or doing it for the first time.
I went back to a site I had utilized a long time ago www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com . Now, I do not agree with everything she advocates but there are two things on that site that I find wonderful. The first one is the Proverbs Parenting section and the second is the section on Tomato Staking. The object is that if a tomato plant is left to itself it will be wild and unruly and it must be staked and well taken care of. The same can be true of the child. If he is left to his own he will become wild and unruly and in this case is staked to the mother. She explains it much better than I could. There are also different types of tomato staking.
I did this with my son and honestly it took two days of intense tomato staking and explaining to him everything that was going on, and teaching him responsibility and self control through various things. I had expected it to take much longer. However, our son has been incredible since we did this last week. He is exhibiting self control, he is caring for his sister, thinking of others first, showing manners, coming when he is called. All the things I thought he had "lost" have come back. Of course, it is taking some changes on my part as well (being more vigilant when something is going on, encouraging him to continue acting as he is now, telling him the good qualities that he is now showing, not letting things go when I know the heart is behind them even if it will take time and energy that I do not think I have).
My heart is encouraged again and I'd recommend any mom at least trying this method when in my situation. All children will go through stages where it becomes hard or seemingly unnecessary to make good choices and this is an excellent way to get them back on track and develop a good bond with them as well. Afterall, you are spending every minute with them (I was having to do the intense tomato staking with not having him more than three feet from me at any given time) and the entire goal is to train them to make the good choices on their own, whether it be a refresher course or doing it for the first time.
posted by Monica at 1:38 PM
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